Incubi and Succubi: How They Come at Night and What Makes Them Dangerous

If at night you wake up from heaviness on your chest, a strange presence, and a strange erotic dream that felt too real — you are not alone. This is exactly how people describe an encounter when incubi and succubi come. For some, it is a demonological horror story from the Middle Ages; for others, it is a personal experience that is embarrassing to tell even to loved ones. We suggest looking into it calmly: who are incubi and succubi, what do incubi and succubi do in reality, why stories about them have lived on for millennia, and where the line lies between myth, psychology, and spiritual practice.

Let us agree right away: we are not going to scare you. Incubi and succubi demons in classical demonology — yes, but in modern conscious esotericism we look more broadly: as a symbol of suppressed sexuality, energetic depletion, and unworked boundaries. This article is for understanding, not for fear.

Incubi and succubi: who they are and how they differ

To understand the topic, let us start with the basics. The meaning of incubi and succubi is already revealed in Latin: incubus — from incubare, “to lie on top,” succubus — from succumbere, “to lie beneath.” These are not proper names, but a description of the mode of contact. The incubi and succubi difference is traditionally in gender: an incubus comes to a woman in a male form, a succubus — to a man in a female form. But this is a textbook simplification. In grimoires and testimonies, how are incubi and succubi different not only by gender, but also by strategy: the incubus more often presses, dominates, causes numbness, while the succubus seduces, lulls, draws out attention and warmth through caresses.

The question of what do incubi and succubi look like has no single answer, and this is important. In the canon, incubi and succubi mythology describes them as incredibly attractive people with a “flaw”: skin that is too cold, unnaturally heavy eyes, the smell of sulfur or sweet flowers, a shadow with horns behind a handsome man’s back. In modern practice, people more often see not hooves, but a familiar image — a former partner, an ideal lover, a stranger from a dream. The entity mimics whatever inspires trust and desire. That is why how to tell if an incubus or succubus is nearby is not about spotting horns, but about tracking your state.

A living example: a 34-year-old woman after a divorce sees a recurring dream — a man comes, with whom it is warm and calm, but in the morning she is shattered, irritated, with no strength to work. This is classic: pleasure at night — paid for with energy by day. The practical step here is a state journal. For three nights in a row, record: what time you went to bed, what you dreamed, your pulse and morning mood on a scale of 1 to 10. If after erotic dreams with the same “guest” your energy consistently drops by 3-4 points — this is no longer just a dream, but a reason to work on sleep hygiene and boundaries. A look to the root: from the point of view of psychology, this is the subconscious working with a deficit of closeness; from the point of view of energetics, it is an open field that is easy to connect to. Both views do not contradict each other, and we talk about this in more detail in other practices in the EXETERIC blog, where we examine the connection between dreams and depletion.

History of incubi and succubi: from myths to the Middle Ages

Briefly about the history of incubi and succubi: this is not an invention of the Inquisition. Sumerian Lilitu, Greek ephialtes who strangled sleepers, Roman incubones — house guardian spirits that could also strangle. Incubi and succubi in painting and myths became established thanks to Romanticism: Fuseli’s painting “The Nightmare” of 1781, where a demon sits on the chest of a sleeping woman, is the visual canon of the theme for centuries. There too is the mare from behind the curtain — a play on the word nightmare, the night mare suffocating sleep.

The peak of fame was incubi and succubi in the Middle Ages. Theologians argued in earnest: can demons have a body? Thomas Aquinas put forward the theory that a succubus collects a man’s seed, and then as an incubus transmits it to a woman — this is how the birth of sorcerers was explained, and even the legend of Merlin, the son of an incubus. In the “Malleus Maleficarum,” contacts with incubi were already proof of a connection with the devil. What did people do? They confessed, wore consecrated herbs, changed their sleeping place. From the point of view of practice, there was sense in this: ritual restored a feeling of control and the intention to defend oneself.

There are also interesting facts about incubi and succubi that are rarely mentioned. For example, in medieval trials, descriptions of incubi suspiciously coincide with symptoms of sleep paralysis and apnea. And in Japanese folklore there are analogues — spirits that enter into relations in dreams. That is, incubi and succubi mythology is universal, not only European. If you are interested in dream symbols in general, take a look at our EXETERIC dream book — there we examine how to distinguish an archetypal dream from an alarming signal of the subconscious. A practical step for the historian at heart: do not read medieval treatises literally at night. Read them as a map of the fears of the era: where there is fear of sexuality — there is the image of the night lover.

Incubi and succubi in dreams and sleep paralysis: why they come at night

The readers’ main question is why do incubi and succubi come at night and how do incubi and succubi appear precisely in half-sleep. The answer is twofold — physiology and the subtle plane. Night is the time when critical thinking sleeps, and the body in the REM phase is paralyzed so that we do not run after our dreams. If consciousness wakes up before the body, you get the classic: you cannot move, you feel pressure on your chest, you see a figure in the room. Neurologists call this incubi and succubi and sleep paralysis — a cultural interpretation of the same awakening malfunction. The brain fills in the threat, and libido fills in the eroticism.

The esoteric view does not argue with science, but complements it: night is a time of weak will and open boundaries. Fatigue, alcohol, falling asleep on your back, irregular sleep, prolonged abstinence or, conversely, hyperfixation on fantasies, watching porn before bed, quarrels in the bedroom — all this makes the field loose. Incubi and succubi in dreams come to an imbalance: either a strong hunger for closeness, or suppression of desire with a sense of guilt. The entity, in the language of energetics, does not break down the door — it enters one left ajar.

A recognizable example: a student falls asleep toward morning on his back after a night shift, wakes up — heaviness on his chest, a female silhouette in the corner, horror and arousal at the same time. He screams mentally, cannot move, then it releases. In the morning, shame and shatteredness. What do incubi and succubi do at such a moment? From the point of view of demonology — they feed on sexual energy and fear. From the point of view of psychology — the brain has mixed stress, sleeping posture, and libido into one plot. Practical step: change your sleeping posture, put away gadgets an hour before sleep, ventilate the room, do 5 minutes of slow 4-7-8 breathing. If episodes repeat more than 2 times a week — to a somnologist, not to an exorcist in the first place. Awareness means checking both the body and the energy, without skewing to one side.

Signs of incubi and succubi: how to tell they are nearby

Let us honestly examine the signs of incubi and succubi and how to tell if an incubus or succubus is nearby without panic. In tradition, three levels are distinguished: bodily, dream, and behavioral. Bodily: sudden cold in a warm room, goosebumps along the spine, pressure in the lower abdomen or on the chest without medical causes, traces of arousal after sleep without erotic stimulus. Dream: a recurring incubi and succubi in dreams plot with the same character, a sense of reality higher than an ordinary dream, inability to wake up at will, orgasm in sleep followed by decline. Behavioral: intrusive sexual thoughts during the day that were not there before, disgust toward a real partner, chronic fatigue with normal sleep.

Separately — real stories about incubi and succubi. There are thousands of them on forums: “he has been coming to me for three years, I love him, but I am ill,” “after my husband’s death I feel him at night, and I am afraid to lose it.” Tact is important here. We do not say “you are imagining it.” We say: any repeated contact changes your energy and choices. If after nights with the “guest” you cancel dates, quarrel with a living partner, cannot work — this is already the danger of incubi and succubi, regardless of the ontology of the phenomenon. Whether it is a demon, a larva, or a grief complex — you need to work with attachment and loss of strength.

Practice in 3 steps for self-diagnosis. Step 1: for 7 days keep a tracker — sleep, dreams, libido, energy. Step 2: check reality — bedroom, stress, hormones, medications with vivid dreams as a side effect. Step 3: intention test — before sleep clearly say aloud: “My body and sleep belong only to me. No contacts without my conscious consent.” Track 3 nights: if the intensity drops from one clear prohibition alone — then the issue was about boundaries. A look to the root: strong intuition and connection with yourself is the best alarm. The better you feel your “yes” and “no” by day, the harder it is to carry you away at night. By the way, understanding your vulnerabilities is well complemented by the astrology section, where periods of heightened sensitivity and craving for merging are visible.

Danger of incubi and succubi: what it really threatens

Let us examine the danger of incubi and succubi without horror. Classical grimoires frighten with obsession and death, but in real life incubi and succubi demons of this rank act more subtly — through depletion. First — energetic: regular loss of sexual energy gives apathy, brain fog, a felt decrease in immunity, loss of taste for life. Second — psychological: dependence forms on the night ideal lover, real people seem rude and “not the right ones.” Third — relational: cooling toward a partner, infidelity in sleep with a sense of guilt, quarrels. Fourth — spiritual: blurring of will, when you no longer decide, but are led through desire.

There is a cultural layer that cannot be ignored: incubi and succubi in Islam. These names are not in the Quran, but in tradition there are jinn, whisperings of shaitan, and the concept of Al-Jathum — an oppressive creature pressing in sleep, an analogue of sleep paralysis. Islamic scholars associate nocturnal pressing and erotic attacks with the interference of jinn and recommend purity before sleep, ablution, reading the Ayat Al-Kursi, Al-Falaq and An-Nas, sleeping on the right side. This is very wise sleep hygiene: the body is clean, the mind is collected, the intention is clear. Respect for this tradition is an obligatory part of a conscious conversation, for incubi and succubi are an intercultural phenomenon.

An example from practice: a man after a difficult divorce lived for half a year with an “ideal woman in a dream,” by day he could not concentrate, began to skip sports and work. What helped was not expulsion with a tambourine, but a combination: sleep routine + sport + honest conversation with himself about grief + prohibition of contacts. After a month, the visits faded away. A practical step, if you recognize yourself: return energy to the body — contrast shower, 30-minute walk, protein and water in the morning, no falling asleep to erotica. A look to the root: the danger is not that you will be “taken away,” but that you will gradually give away the right to choose. Therefore protection is not fear, but the adult position of the master of one’s sleep.

How to get rid of incubi and succubi and protect yourself without fear

The final practical block: how to get rid of incubi and succubi, how to protect yourself from incubi and succubi and how to banish incubi and succubi, if contact is already present. We will combine everyday hygiene and spiritual work, because it is the combination that works. First — body and space. Avoid sleeping on your back if episodes are more frequent in it. Ventilate, remove mirrors opposite the bed if they disturb you, leave a night light. Do not fall asleep in a quarrel and under alcohol — these are classic gateways. Before sleep — a shower, clean bedding, phone in another room. This is not superstition, it is reducing the excitability of the nervous system.

Second — intention and ritual. How do incubi and succubi appear — through consent, even if silent and sleepy. So, they are removed through non-consent. Formulate aloud: “I forbid any sexual and energetic contacts in sleep without my full conscious consent. My field is closed.” For believers, prayer, Ayat Al-Kursi, Psalm 90, appeal to one’s egregor will help. For practitioners — visualization of a cocoon of light, salt by the bed as an anchor of intention, wormwood or lavender for calm, fumigating the room with the window open. After an episode, do not lie in fear — get up, wash with cold water, turn on the light, ground yourself: 10 squats, tea, listing objects in the room aloud.

Third — working with the cause. Ask yourself honestly: what am I missing — warmth, passion, forgiveness, vacation? Incubi and succubi often highlight precisely the deficit. If visits are accompanied by depression, panic attacks, complete loss of libido toward a partner — go to a psychologist and a sleep doctor in parallel with spiritual methods. If you feel you cannot cope on your own, do not play hero with harsh banishments from the internet — turn to an experienced mentor of your tradition. Calm, clean sleep is restored in 2-4 weeks of consistent boundary hygiene, and the night guest simply stops finding an open door.

The night guest leaves when you take back your right to choose

The most important thing to take away from the topic of incubi and succubi is not fear of the dark, but understanding yourself. A night visit, a pressing dream, or an overly vivid erotic plot is always an invitation to an honest conversation: where am I tired, where am I lonely, where have I long not spoken about my desires aloud. Esotericism here works not as a set of horror stories, but as a gentle mirror that helps to see the energy leak and restore boundaries. When you bring order to sleep, body, and thoughts, anxiety leaves on its own, and sleep again becomes a place of rest, not a battlefield.

There is no need to rush to extremes — neither denying your experience, nor declaring yourself possessed. The calm path looks like this: observe, write down, take care of the body, clarify intention before sleep, and gradually return warmth and closeness to real life. It is precisely this careful approach that underlies EXETERIC practices: without intimidation, with respect for psychology, body, and a person’s spiritual experience. You can always go deeper into the topic and read other practices in the EXETERIC blog to better understand your dreams, states, and periods of vulnerability, as well as look into the astrology section and check the influence of the current period on sensitivity and the need for merging.

If night meetings repeat, do not stay alone with this and do not be ashamed. Try consciously, step by step: sleep hygiene, a clear prohibition of contacts, working with the deficit of warmth and, if necessary, a conversation with a psychologist or a mentor of your tradition. The unknown stops frightening when you begin to study it. May your bedroom become a safe place again, and the night — a time of recovery and trust in yourself.

Frequently asked questions

Can you fall in love with an incubus or succubus?

Yes, and this happens more often than is commonly admitted, because the entity shows an ideal image: attentive, tender, always available. In reality, such falling in love usually speaks of a deficit of warmth, unfinished grief, or fear of living relationships where rejection and conflict are possible. The problem is that the ideal night partner gradually devalues real people, and a person begins to cancel dates, avoid closeness, and live in expectation of the night. The way out is to honestly acknowledge the need for love and begin to return it to daytime life through communication, therapy, and self-care. A clear prohibition of night contacts and a sleep routine help break the dependence in a few weeks.

Is sleep paralysis with an erotic plot dangerous to health?

In itself, a single episode of sleep paralysis is not considered a dangerous disease; it is an awakening malfunction when consciousness has already woken up, but the body is still bound. The erotic plot is added due to the natural activity of libido in sleep and anxious expectation; the brain simply fills in a vivid scenario. Danger begins when episodes happen often, a person is afraid to sleep, does not get enough sleep, and by day feels shatteredness, anxiety, and a drop in concentration. In this case, it is important to establish a routine, sleep on your side, remove alcohol and gadgets before sleep, and master a calm exit through breathing and moving your fingers. If paralysis occurs more than twice a week, it is worth contacting a somnologist and checking breathing in sleep.

Why does the entity come to one person, but does not touch the partner?

Such selectivity is explained by state, not by chosenness in a mystical sense. The entity or obsessive dream clings to the one who is depleted, lonely, experiencing stress, suppression of desires, or hormonal fluctuations, while the second partner at this time may simply be more stable. Sleep routine also plays a role: the one who falls asleep on the back, toward morning, in anxiety, or after a quarrel more easily slips into the borderline state between sleep and wakefulness. Therefore, the partner’s lack of experience does not mean that you are imagining it; you simply have different vulnerability and sleep phase. It is useful to keep a state journal and compare nights with visits and calm nights; the difference is usually visible immediately.

What to do if after such dreams a fear of sleeping has appeared?

Fear of sleeping is a natural reaction of the psyche after a vivid and helpless experience; there is no need to scold yourself for it. Start with simply restoring a sense of safety: a dim night light, a ventilated room, clean bedding, a warm shower, and a calm ritual instead of scrolling the news. Before sleep, pronounce aloud a clear intention that your body and sleep belong only to you; for believers, prayer or reading protective texts of one’s tradition helps. After a frightening awakening, do not lie in the dark; get up, wash, turn on the light, and ground yourself through breathing and movement. If insomnia and panic persist for more than two weeks, be sure to contact a psychologist and a sleep doctor; this is self-care, not weakness.